


Melodie

by Gizmo



Series: Chronicle of a student revolution [10]
Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Schönberg/Boublil, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: M/M, and a lot of autodestructive R, slight smutt in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 15:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/787768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gizmo/pseuds/Gizmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The only day in the year Grantaire hate or why did he became and alcoholic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Melodie

**Melodie**

I woke up with a headache and I moan as the sun hit my eyes.  _I shouldn’t have drink that much_ was come first in to my mind. But I always say that and do it the day after. I am beyond repair for that and I know it.  I sigh as I felt the bed is empty and a pout draw my face. I hate when Jehan wake up before me. The best cure for a hangover is my head in the crook of his neck as I hear him wake up. I manage to lift my head and take the glass of water of the night stand. My mouth is dry and this is more than welcome. As I yawn and put a hand in my face, not recalling how I end up here. No more drinking battle against Bossuet. At least I won. Who did he think he was to defeat me in a tequila contest?

After putting my sweatpants –I had more clothes in his room than it should be- I walk out the room in need of water or some aspirin. My headache wasn’t that bad but I knew I will feel it for the rest of the day. My only consolation was that Bossuet was probably worse than me.  I found out Jehan sitting by the window, his writing pad in his hand, coffee cup near his feet. Like every morning.  When he hear my step his hand stand up from his work and he jump on his feet, a smile on his lips, his hair untangle all over his shoulder. «Oh you are awake! I was about to wake you up. You work in two hours and I know that you plan on lunch with someone else but I think… »As he talks, I pushed him gently against the wall, a grin on my face and I finish by cutting him in his little speech to say «Good morning. ». He chuckle and blush, as always, as he knocks his hand around my neck and whisper me a «Good morning» before my lips goes attacking his. And as our tongue battle into his mouth, I couldn’t help but smile.

I end up in the kitchen cooking breakfast as he continues his poetry. I insisted because I knew yesterday he probably took care of me on the way home and because there was no more beautiful sigh than Jehan by the window, a wrinkle on his nose, concentrate on his last creative strike. When the bacon, the potato, the fruits and eggs were done (sunny side up for him, scramble for me) I called him and he joins me at the table quickly. His kiss made me smile and my headache felt already better. I’m sure it’s a placebo effect but I don’t care, I love it.

We had an hour or so before I left for the café and I should taking a shower and get myself dress up right now. But instead I was on the couch, Jehan straddling me; his lips attacking mine as my hand throw away his shirt. I hear him gasp as my hand travel on his back and my lips found his neck. I nibble his skin to be sure to leave a red mark. But he didn’t seems to mind. Now that the breakfast is over I wanted my desert. And he was it. «We should…shouldn’t ahh…. You… have to leave soon and ah…..» He stops protesting when my tongue was now on his nipple sucking it lightly. And I think he understood he could protest anytime he want, I won’t give up on our morning sex today.  So he starts to be proactive and I moan as he starts moving his hips against me, making me half hard.  I close my eye and throw my head back and appreciate how amazing the feeling of him on my cock felt. And when I open my eyes I see him, smiling a bit too proud. He knows that he drive me crazy and this arrogance just make me want him more. But I want him to pay.

As grab his neck so I can kiss him aggressively as my hand lower on his stomach and slip under his pajama pants. We both moan when my finger brush his erection. Him from sensitivity, me totally aroused by how hard he is. And how hard that makes me. «Fuck» He whisper on my lips and I chuckle. For a poet, he loses his sense of word when it comes to sex. And I love it that way. My hand take his member just so I can him moan my name I feel I shiver of pleasure who went down my spine. He kiss me with lust as my hand start stroking him roughly. I look at him as he close his eyes. His lips are red, his cheeks are pink and his breath is unsteady. He’s prefect and I know in that moment that I’m totally in love with him

\-----

I wasn’t working for long, an hour or two. Just making sure everything was in order until the manager come back from his meeting at the bank. And between leaving the key to his shop to me or sixteen years old, he picked me as the responsible adult. That made me laughs. Last time I try to have a pet, the poor thing die after a month. But I guess I’ll manage not to burn the shop within two hours. 

I kissed goodbye to Jehan (oh I love when he have one of my shirt on it leave his odor on it after) and took the bus to I am alone for the first time of the day and I try to stay busy. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to think. Not today. I hate today. I want today to be done. And then I remember why I accepted Bossuet drinking game; I silently hope that will make me pass out for 24 hours. Please make this day be quick.

But no it was the longest one. My two hour at the café felt like forty-five. The new boy broke two cup and manage to mistake orders of several clients. I had to deal with them and manage to show him how to properly make latte and espresso. I tried to be nice with him but my temper was short and I think I afraid the kid. Oh well. I’ll apologize next time we work together. Today I wasn’t in the mood to be nice. Jehan and his good mood away from me, I wasn’t able to smile or try to right now.

When my boss came back I gave him back his key, mumble a «thanks god», grabs some sandwich and coffee before heading in the east of the city where Eponine was working. God knows I needed to see her today. I know I’ve been a lousy best friend since I am with Jehan and even if she told me she understand and she’s not mad, I know she miss me. Because I miss her too sometimes. I texted her that I was arrived and light a needed cigarette, trying to calm down my mood in the meantime. But even nicotine will help me today. All the alcohol in the world won’t either. But when she leaves the building and I saw her glowing I couldn’t help but smile and hug her after kissing her cheek. She took the coffee track and we walk in silence in the park near her work. She has an hour before going back. Its not much but I’ll take what I can

The sun was hitting her hair and making me see a love bite on her neck that she was trying to hide with a scarf. That got me curious but I didn’t have the courage to ask her and hear her story or more probably her lies. She wasn’t the kind of girl that do one night so whoever she’s sleeping with I must know him from her to hide me. Or maybe she just feel she can’t talk to me as much as before. Musichetta told me something about it the week Gavroche was in town. I miss the kid, and I miss Eponine too. But I need to be selfish and be in love for once.

But it’s finally her who breaks the silence after she finish half her sandwich. «We’re the 16th.» She said slipping her feet out of her shoes and put them in the sand like she love to do. «Yep.» I simply said focussing on little thing like her feet than what’s in the back of my head. «Is that why we ate together? » I don’t sense an accusation in her voice, just a pure curiosity. We haven’t lunch together since she starts her job after all.  «It’s because I miss you but yes, mostly. » I said looking at my coffee. «we can go in a church and light a candle if you want.» She proposes. I scuff. «She’s dead Ponine she doesn’t care about candle. Those stick doesn’t do anything but to try to ease the pain of the living and it’s not religious bulshit that will make me feel better.» She start playing with my hair like she always does when I’m upset and I close my eyes, grateful from the touch. If I wasn’t crying right now it’s simply because we were in public.

Four years ago, at the same day, on a warm weather like this one, I found my sister dead in her own blood, her wrist cut deep and hard. There was no note. No clue why she did that. She had perfect score at school, friend that loved her, she got accepted in her dream school and all our family cared about her. Beside Ponine, Melodie was my best friend. We talk hours about everything. She was the first I told I was gay, I always was there when she had boy problem, and we could paint or play video games together for hours. She was my everything. The love of my life. And then she’s gone.  I am still mad at her to have done that. Why didn’t she tell me how sad and desperate she felt? Why didn’t she leave a note?

This is where the drinking started. And three day after burring my own sister, Gavroche rang to my door and ask me to save his sister. After pulling out Eponine on her father’s grip I discover that he’d rape for almost a year. The alcohol became the only way to forget how I was the worst brother and best-friend on the planet; the two girl I care the most were having big problem and I never saw it. And when we flee Paris I thought things will get better. That alcohol won’t be that much needed to calm that emptiness in my stomach and my heart. But then I met friends here. And one went into my heart even harder that it should. I fell in love with someone way over my league who even despite my presence. I won’t blame Enjolras for hating me, I hate myself even more.

And it took Jehan to give me one hell of a blowjob and a lot of talking to make me understand that someone could love me even if I am a man with more flaws that good quality. Ad somehow, I feel in love with that boy and his golden curl. How his words always made me smile. How he never pulls down my bottle but keep my lips busy with his.

And now it’s Eponine lips on my temple that bring me back to reality. She’s the only one who will ever understand the pain because she was friend with Melodie too. Even if she keep repeating that it’s not my fault, that Melodie hide her problem and we couldn’t have known, I feel I should have. I was her brother. She needed me and I wasn’t there. I deserve to be this miserable.  «Do you want to do something special then. » Unable to talk I feel my need for a drink rising up as the tears in my eyes. I put my head on my best friend shoulder and burry my head in her neck where I always felt safe. She continues to play in my hair to calm me. «Just…. Don’t fuck anything up this year okay» She said. I chuckle because she knows I’m as self-destructive as her. And because last year she found me in a police station after a fight with  Parnasse.

\----

The bar was crowed was always. People were battling their sex drive on the dance floor, trying to find someone to go home and fuck while they could. I wonder how many of those count of the bad lighting and the amount of alcohol to actually get laid. It doesn’t seem to bother Bahorel though. And his hand on the redhead are really suggestive of his idea for latter. I chuckle as I finish my beer and start a new one. I’m not drunk enough. But I know there is not enough bottles in the world to erase the image in my head of Melodie in a halo of blood. At least whe Bahorel was around I could manage to keep my mind busy with random discussion but now that he was taking care of brining someone home I understood that I’ll be alone for the end of the longest day of my life. And I don’t want it.

 So I grab my phone, knowing I need cuddles more than this cheap beer. Maybe Jehan and his magical power of making me smile will work tonight too. I try to stop the black hole in my heart of growing.

You: Can I come tonight

Jehan: Of course love :D

You: I love you.

Jehan: You are drunk aren’t you ;) <3

You: Perhaps :P

Jehan: I love you too

Of course my boyfriend doesn’t know anything about Melodie. He knows that I lost my sister but he don’t know how, why and where. He didn’t know that I was the one finding her. I hadn’t the courage to tell him everything. Not because he was too fragile to handle the truth, because I was simply unable to talk about it without crying and wanting to die for a whole week. I won’t put my boyfriend in that misery.

I finish my beer, wave goodbye to Bahorel who probably didn’t notice me, lost in that redhead tits. I light up a cigarette and finish it before waving a taxi and coming to Jehan. Coming home. Because I spend more time there than my own flat lately.  

\--

And when I arrived, even if it’s one in the morning, he’s here, waiting for me with a glass of water, aspirin and a warm smile and greeting me with a kiss. He frowns because I taste like alcohol and cigarette but doesn’t say anything except going to search some mint in his drawer.

«Why are you so nice.» I ask after a moment. We are on his couch; I’m laying on his lap a bit dizzy as he play into my hair. Only he and Ponine knows how it calm me down. «Because I love you silly.» He chukle looking at me with tired eyes. Even if he deny it I am sure I wake him up by texting him. «Why?» I was as my finger start to play with a lock of his golden hair. «Grantaire…stop asking that. I love you because I do. » I know he hate when I ask but I still don’t understand why a girl as sweet and caring as Jehan could fall in love with a broken and beyond repair person like me. What made him like me in the first way. I sat and look at him my face brushing against his soft skin that I learn to love and discover over those past month that we are together. «You shouldn’t. I’m just problem and stuff like that. You should hate me. » I said looking at him with pain in my heart. And I mean it. As I talk I start to panic. Jehan shouldn’t love me. We shouldn’t be that close. The closer I get to someone, the more I end up hurting them or destroying them. And I don’t want to destroy the only person that can make me smile on gloomy day and read me poem to stop my drunken thought at night. I don’t want to destroy Jehan «Please hate me.» I said with pleading eyes, taking his soft face in my rugged hand. «I can’t stand how much you love me. » I said putting my head on his. I know I had the conversation of a drunken mess right now but I knew I was speaking truth. I was scared of the look Jehan gave me some time. How he moan when we only kiss, how he gets happy with little thing I do. He shouldn’t love me that much. I don’t deserve his love. I don’t deserve to be love that much after what happen to Melodie. But Jehan’s only reaction to my pleading was to kiss me softly stroking my chit and whisper. «Okay, we’ll put you in bed and have this conversation tomorrow» with a tender voice.

«No! no!» I said, scared of how fast my heart was beating. How I felt happy from his kiss. How many Goosebumps he gave me. I wasn’t allowed happiness. «Jehan please stop loving me» I said getting away from him slowly. Images of us making love were fighting in my head next to Melodie in her coffin. And I felt like vomiting. I was wrong for thinking I was allowed to feel that way without consequence, without regret. I was wrong from being happy.  But Jehan couldn’t understand. He only frown and took my hands, looking at me worried and confuse. «I…no. No I won’t. » I lost myself into his eyes. I have to leave. Right now. Go away from him. I’m gonna hurt him if I stay here

«I’m think I’m gonna go home.» I said standing up quickly. But I drank too much for fast movement and I fall back on the couch, my head spinning. Jehan take his long hand and put them on my arm, making me sit as I try again to stand up. «In that state? No way. You are staying here. » He said. But I only had one idea in my head as despair join fear. «No. I want to go. Go away from you. » I said looking at my boyfriend who seems confuse and worried. He saw me in worst state, I know it. But he couldn’t understand why I wanted to leave now. I should feel guilty for worrying him but if he knew why I do that he would understand.  « I’m gonna hurt you one day. I will. I hurt and lose everyone. And I don’t want. I’m sorry, I am so sorry. » I don’t make sense. I know. I’m blabbering and I’m near to cry as I understood how huge my mistake was to accept Jehan’s love like I deserve it.  «You didn’t. You won’t. Have faith in yourself. I will love you no matter what.» He said facing me, lacing his finger in my hair and biting his lips absolutely clueless of what to do. I feel even more awful to find him attractive right now.

«No. I’ll hurt you one day and its gonna be too much. And I’m going to break your heart because I am a bad person. And I don’t deserve your love. I don’t deserve you. You are too good to me.» Oh how much I wanted to push him on the ground and fuck him until we both scream and I forget the coldness of my heart. But it was too late. I know I couldn’t. I shouldn’t be with Jehan. He was too happy with me to be good. «Stop that. » Jehan snapped. «I have flaws too, and you overpass them cause you love me. And I do the safe for you cause I love you.» He said trying to find my eyes I was looking on the ground. «I don’t know…» I whisper, confused and scared . «you don’t know what?» I took a deep breath and lock my eyes into his. Not knowing if I should talk. I was drunk, on the edge of crying and we were both tired. But what the hell. It was an awful day so why shouldn’t I continue it that way. «I don’t know if I still love you.» I whisper before realizing I said it wrong. And as Jehan pull back from his embrace, horrified I correct myself quickly.  «Well of course I do I mean I’m the happiest I ever been in my life. And you made me feel like I was maybe worth it and that all my shit were gone. You made me forget so much thing that alcohol didn’t. »  I said. «but…» said Jehan knowing there was a _but._

And then I admit something I wouldn’t admit to myself and I try to deny for far too long. «I won’t be honest if I wouldn’t admit that there’s someone else in my head sometime » Jehan put hand on his face and I knew him too much not to know he was holding his tears behind his fingers. «It’s Enjolras isn’t?» He ask. He knew it. In fact those feeling just came back. From months he manage to make me forget him and I was wrap in a love affair I knew possible. But since his weekend at his parent he became nicer to me. Listening to what I say, smiling at some of my jokes, even spending time with me with Ponine was around. He wasn’t the harsh man that roll his eyes every time I talk and it felt nice. I felt…hope. A foolish hope from something that will never happen. But the thought of Enjolras in my bed cross my mind in daydream more than I am proud of.

 «Get out. » Said Jehan seeing I wasn’t answering. Seeing that my  silence only confirm his fear. He was mad. «Jehan…» I said touching his arm but he push me away. And when I saw his eyes I understood that my worst fear just happened; I hurt Jehan. He was in pain right now. Water was staining his cheek and I he sob before saying.  «Now. Please. Grantaire. Get out. Go home. Now. » And the only thing I can to to make his pain worst was do oblige

\---

I pull out my shirt and throw it on the floor and I crawl into the bed. A soon as I put my head on the pillow, Eponine turn around and her eye flicker. I wake her up I know. But I don’t care.  «R, what the hell are you doing here? » She mumbles asleep. And her question break me. I start crying as I crawl into her arm. «I fuck up again this year.» I said as I start crying. Eponine wrap her arm around me and push me against her and let me cry the whole night. 

**Author's Note:**

> ugh that one hurt to write :(  
> Sorry for being slow I got caught up with finale and finding a new job. Hope you like it
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at starkid-tribute
> 
> Dont hesitate to give feedback and hugs <3


End file.
